The OkCupid Exhibit

I like to think that I'm really good at being single. Don't get me wrong, like any other person with basic human emotions, I'd love to be in a relationship. But... dating is the worst. You would think that as I get older, I'd start to be a bit more flexible. Loneliness is motivation enough to lower your standards, right? I'm not even like a girl in her PJs and 5 cats on the weekend. I meet guys and I go on a lot of dates. I actually try to "put-myself-out-there" or be "open to possibilities" or whatever other cliché state-of-being we single ladies mind-fuck within ourselves. I guess I'm just really an A+ student in Singles AP, but I have to give credit where it is due. I haven't done all the work for my impending doom to spinsterhood. If anything... you boys really have made my job easier.

In lieu of writing run-on sentences about my plea for chivalry's return, I'm going to go ahead and just exploit messages I've received in the past on popular dating site, OkCupid. I'm even going to edit out their names and faces, 'cause I'm selfless like that.

1. "Missed Connection"

Is there a right or wrong answer?

 2. "Ready or Not"

I don't even... know what he just said.

3. "Dirty Talk"

Quite the Shakespeare..

4. "Points for Creativity"

I want to see David use this at the bar.

5. "Can't Buy Me Love"

For the record, he's sent me this message four other times.

You see where I'm going with this? THIS is the dating scene. The worst is when I get a follow-up message, "Least you could do is respond. I don't bite." What these guys don't realize is... I'm actually doing them a favor by not responding. Believe me, I love messing with people. I have had to practice an incredible amount of self-control to not respond with some smart-ass remark. It's like a new type of meditation. The mantra? "Be patient, grasshopper. These mortals do not deserve your effort. Swallow the fury."

I thought if I had an extremely zen approach, I'd just karmically receive something back. That hasn't happened yet, so I've tossed out peaceful apathy and decided to start using my dick. Literally.


*Bonus: "The Rebuttal"

Oh no, I "forgot" to blur out his face and username.